dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
