I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
