I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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