College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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