Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
