Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
