the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
