My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
