Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
