You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
