oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
