I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
