I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
