Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
