On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
