That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
