u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
