The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
