how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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