Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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