I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
