He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
