Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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