shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
