Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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