she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
