Even the bartender felt bad for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
