I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
