Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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