Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
