I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
