Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
