i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
