just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
