I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
vagina is talking i cant
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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