Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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