I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
