i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
