I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
