Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is my gift to your gina
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