he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They took my balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
