I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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