I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
