When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
