She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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