So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I deserve this hangover.
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