Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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