I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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