Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
