I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
