I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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