need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
