So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
